Sam Cottrell

Lead Guitar

My name is Sam. I am the guitarist and occasional vocalist for Swagger. I was born an illegitimate Mormon in a Catholic Hospital and my adoption was arranged by a kindly lawyer. I scratched and clawed my way out of the middle class suburbs of Ogden, UT to become the feared yet loved pariah I am today. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines at unflagging speeds and can cook two-minute eggs in less than a minute. I write endless pages of prose and translate ethnic slurs for illegal immigrants. I was named after a Lamanite prophet.

I am an expert in avian mating rituals, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Brazil. I have participated in projects with former American Idol stars and have played Eye of the Tiger on stage with Jim Peterik. I bought most of my limited collection of amps and guitars by earning money costumed as a children’s show character playing sing along songs. I breed prize winning wombats. I think reverb is dishonest but sometimes necessary. Using only a hoe and a glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazonian Basin from an attack of ferocious army ants. I think any artist who critisizes Capitalism is incapable of marketing himself and is likely not talented.

I create abstract footwear, am an excellent marksman, and a ruthlessly ambiguous movie critic. I own several vinyl copies of Neil Diamond’s albums and periodically annoy the neighbors by playing them at high volumes. It is not true that I performed covert operations for the CIA. I sleep only 15 minutes a night and do so standing up. I have never believed in any politician and vote only for 3rd party candidates. I played bass for the Ghostmules and guitar for Catfische. I worship the music of Jeff Beck, Steve Hackett, and Frank Zappa. I can make extraordinary four course meals using only a spatula and a waffle iron. I rant in the key of E minor.

I am an unselfish lover, an investor in the Portuguese stock market, a rabble-rousing herd boy, and an inspiration for freedom fighters everywhere. I wasted four years of my life managing facilities for a major telecommunications company. Children trust me. I aspire to be a Son of Lee Marvin and to be maligned for my political-socio-economic views. I was the production audio engineer on the independent film Byline. I believe television should have channels dedicated to rerunning episodes of MASH and Barney Miller. I have been an organ donor and I have spoken to Elvis…